Supporting Your Child's Emotional Development: A Guide for New Parents
Guest Blog Article Written by Bridget Mozina, MA, LMFT.
Welcoming a new baby into the world is an exciting and joyful experience, but it also comes with its share of challenges and uncertainties, especially for newbie parents! As you embark on this incredible journey, it can be helpful to keep in mind ways to support your child’s emotional development. This can be key in how they learn about themselves, others, and the world around them. In this guide, we'll explore some helpful strategies and tips for nurturing your child's emotional growth. If only there was a clear manual on how to do this! But hopefully these points will offer reassurance as you begin your journey as a new parent!
Attachment and Connection
The moment your baby is born, the bonding process begins. This is also known as attachment. Knowing about this can be helpful for new parents to understand the importance of creating a secure attachment with their child. Here are some examples of what this can look like:
Skin-to-skin contact
Cuddling both during happy feelings and difficult feelings
Making eye contact, smiling, and talking to your baby in a gentle tone
Another important piece of attachment and connection is being present. Be attentive when your child talks about their day, feelings, or concerns. This can look like:
If they are showing you something that captures their interest, take time to join them with what they are showing you.
A gentle reminder to put the phone away! Take intentional time each day where you are fully present with your child during their play, at meal times, or during routines.
During play, allow your child to lead the play and simply enjoy the experience. Let go of them playing “right” and allow exploration and join them and have fun!
Emotions and Emotion Regulation
As your child grows, they'll experience a wide range of emotions. By being able to experience a wide range of feelings, this will help your child develop emotional intelligence, understand their emotions, and effectively communicate them to others. You can do this by:
Creating a safe and non-judgmental space for your child to express themselves, whether it's through words, art, or play.
Teaching empathy for themselves and others. Fun examples on ways to teach empathy can be through:
Reading books (Color Monster, In My Heart, The Feelings Book)
Watching movies (Pixar shorts, Inside Out, Up, Finding Nemo, etc.)
Imaginary play
Social stories
Playing games
Modeling healthy expressions of emotions. Children learn so much by watching others and learn how to express themselves through what they see adults and peers do.
Offer a comforting presence, and let your child know it’s ok to feel your feelings.
I like to describe this as imagining your child is swimming in a pool, and the pool represents their world; it starts out small, but as they grow the pool gets bigger. You represent the edge of the pool and are there to support, comfort, and offer reassurance when it is needed.
Setting Boundaries
Even though it may be difficult and tricky at times, boundaries are essential for emotional growth. It is an important skill for your child to know what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Consistent boundaries create a sense of security, which is essential for emotional well-being. Be firm, yet loving in enforcing these limits, and explain the reasons behind them. Some things to keep in mind when setting boundaries:
Create a calming space for when your child needs a break or rest when they are having big feelings
Think ahead on what “absolute limits” might be: Hitting or kicking might result in an immediate boundary to ensure your child and others stay safe. Anticipate what would be most supportive for your child in those moments.
Ensure boundaries reflect/make sense to your child. For example, if they get angry and knock another child's tower down, it would make sense if they could help the child pick up or rebuild a new tower. A long time out, or taking away blocks completely might not make sense to your child based on their developmental stage.
Use these as teaching moments, such as in the example above. We want them to learn what to do instead.
Allow for Skill Development and Challenges
As your child grows, all skills are new to them! Teaching skills and allowing space for learning and growth are important for helping with emotion regulating, social skills, executive functioning, and frustration tolerance. Some examples might include when your child is learning to tie their shoes or wanting to dress themselves in the morning. In order to promote this skill, they might need more time to get ready! Think or plan ahead for these to prevent power struggles or meltdowns and allow enough time for them to practice. Notice if you feel an urge to correct or do something for them, and see if you can allow time and space for them to try it themselves first. Then, if they get stuck, you can then offer support, guidance, or modeling. I offer some fun transition ideas here to help make transitions fun and smoother here (link to blog post)!
It's important to remember that children develop at their own pace. While minor variations in behavior and emotional expression are normal, consistency in problematic behavior or emotional struggles might indicate a need for support from a pediatrician, child therapist, or for an assessment.
Celebrate Achievements
Celebrate all the positives, both big and small! It can be easy for struggles or concerns to be the focus, but if you can reframe a struggle for your child, this will help them feel more successful the next time. An example of this might be there was a big tantrum, but you were able to calm down together and found a calming activity to engage in together. We might want to just focus on the tantrum (unfortunately, the feelings explosions are inevitable), but we can see instead what worked well, and how we regulated together from the tantrum. Maybe you can give yourself some kudos too!
Supporting your child's emotional development is a continuous journey that requires patience, love, and dedication. If you read this blog post, then recognize your willingness to learn and increase your awareness around ways to support your child and their emotional development!
My name is Bridget Mozina and I am a licensed family therapist based in Minnesota. I have my own private practice called Grow and Thrive Therapy where I specialize in working with children, teenagers, and emerging adults. My areas of expertise include anxiety, emotion regulation, neurodivergence, and providing essential parenting support. You can learn more about my practice here along with other resources I share on my website.
I am so grateful to be a part of Kayla Estenson’s blog at Minnesota Attachment Collective! She has been a great resource for my practice for parents that are needing extra support, along with her wealth of knowledge around trauma, fertility challenges, and pregnancy and postpartum. You can find out more information about Kayla and her practice here!