Taking Care of Yourself During Fertility Challenges

Whether it’s taking longer than you expected to get pregnant, you have an infertility diagnosis, or you’ve experienced a miscarriage- it’s understandable that your mental health may take a hit. It’s really hard when you can’t control something that is so important to you, which is why self-care is essential during this time.

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in fertility challenges, as well as someone who has personally navigated infertility, I get how hard this is. We put so much energy into growing our family, and we feel that there is very little energy left for ourselves.

And while it’s valid that self-care is a challenge during this time, I can’t emphasize how important it is! You’re human- which means you are deserving of care and support during difficult times. Not only is this beneficial for your mental health in the short and long-term, but it’s also going to put your body at a more regulated state- which can only help as you continue to try to grow your family.

As someone who was lucky enough to be able to grow my family through fertility treatments, I can attest that the time I took to care for myself during the depths of infertility helped me to know how to care for myself during pregnancy and postpartum. While navigating fertility challenges can be extremely painful, it can also provide us the opportunity to learn new ways to nurture ourselves.

Here are the top ways that I recommend my clients care for themselves during fertility challenges:

Take time and space to process your experience

You are going through a lot. You may have entered this season of trying-to-concieve with excitement and hope, only to be left feeling disappointed and confused. It’s normal to feel a lot of difficult emotions during this time- such as sadness, grief, anger, anxiety, depression, and overwhelm.

It’s so important to take time to process your experience. This may be through journaling, talking with your partner or friend, or checking in with a therapist. Emotions have a function- and they’re going to stick around in one way or another until we can fully tend to them. You deserve the validation and care that you would give to anyone else going through this.

Connect to supportive routines

Building in routines that support you is the number one way that I recommend my clients get in self-care. While engaging in the luxurious self-care activities such as getting a massage, going away for the weekend, or getting a pedicure are wonderful (and I do recommend those too!), we are going to benefit the most from self-care that is easy for us to connect to on a regular basis.

While it may sound boring- getting enough sleep, eating foods that fuel us, moving our body in ways that we enjoy, and getting regular breaks to relax throughout the day can really make a significant difference. Building in routines that help you feel your best will not only help you navigate the stress you’re currently experiencing, but it will help you to be a bit more resilient when the next curve ball comes along.

Start with where you’re at. You don’t have to wake up tomorrow to an entirely different routine, and in fact, I don’t find quick dramatic changes to actually be all that sustainable. So, take the routine that you saw some social media influencer talk about and throw it out of your mind. Instead, make small changes that work for you. You might reduce your screen time by a little bit, add in some time for a short walk after work, or make sure you get in breakfast at the start of your day. Changes in our routine don’t have to be big to be beneficial.

Practice nervous system regulation skills

Sometimes, our mind and bodies are speaking different languages. We might try to tell ourselves that we are okay, but our body isn’t getting the memo and continues to feel dysregulated. When going through difficult seasons of life, I find it to be incredibly helpful to add in skills that regulate our nervous system.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Move your body in ways that feels grounding

Tap into the language of your body and get curious about what movements you feel physically grounded in. This might be restorative yoga, a walk in nature, or a more high intensity exercise to release stress. Different days may call for different kinds of movement, so tune into what your body is feeling and adjust as you need to!

Do a breathing meditation

Connecting to our breath is a great way to regulate our nervous system. Take a few minutes to bring your breath to a slow and comfortable pace, maybe allowing the exhale to be slightly longer than the inhale if that feels good in your body. No need for it to be complex or fancy- just to tune into your breath in that moment. Guided breath exercises can be a nice way to practice this. I have several on my Ground & Grow podcast, and here is a guided meditation on anxiety that might be helpful!

Practice cold exposure

Cold exposure can be an easy way to stimulate our vagus nerve, which is an essential nerve in nervous system regulation practices. You can practice cold exposure by placing an ice pack over the eyes/nose area (those ice packs designed to go over your eyes for headaches are great for this!), take a few moments in the shower with the water running cold on your face/neck, or going full on with a cold water plunge. Make sure to check with your doctor before practicing any intense cold exposure especially if you have any heart conditions!

Reach out to your support system

Being open about fertility challenges can feel so vulnerable in a world that often looks at fertility as a taboo topic. And, when we don’t let our support system into what is going on in our lives, we are likely to feel alone and isolated in our experience.

When I was navigating infertility, I was surprised to find that so many people that I knew had previously or were currently navigating fertility challenges once I opened up to them about my experience. When you open up to those you trust, you might find that you’re not as alone as you thought.

And, even if you don’t have loved ones who can relate to what you’re going through, it can be helpful to find who your good supports are and let them know when you need some extra care.

Go to therapy

Of course I am going to recommend therapy as a therapist who specializes in fertility challenges- but I think it really needs to be said! Having a difficult time getting pregnant, going through infertility, or experiencing pregnancy loss has an effect on our mental health.

And while it’s great when we have loved ones who can be a support during this time, getting support from a licensed therapist who is trained in holding space for what we are going through can be a game changer. I went to therapy during my infertility experience, and it was a breath of fresh air to be able to process my emotions and experiences with someone who is not going to give me unwanted advice, their own opinions, or dump their own stuff on me.

It’s common to experience anxiety, depression, grief, and high amounts of stress while navigating fertility challenges. Working with a therapist who can help you identify those experiences and equip you with the tools you need to navigate it can make all the difference.

At Minnesota Attachment Collective, we strive to support folks navigating fertility challenges, pregnancy, postpartum, parenthood, as well as attachment trauma. We have virtual openings available to people anywhere in the state of Minnesota, as well as in-person sessions at our Eagan, MN office location. If you think you could use support, check out our therapy services and book a free 15-minute consultation with one of our amazing therapists!